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A) WAITER’S PAD HACK There are two uses: BUSINESS MEETING: Everyone pulls out their fascist Moleskine notebooks and you pull out your waiter’s pad. First thing that happens is the alpha male in the room says, “I’ll take fries with that burger”. This bad joke happens 100% of the time. Homework assignment: come up with […]

I regret. I regret a lot. I wish I could have been different. I wish I could be 17 again and know these rules. There’s nothing wrong with regret. There’s nothing wrong with wondering how your life would have been different and better. This is what I wish I knew: A) DON’T DEPEND ON OTHERS […]

“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”. My podcast producer, Steve Cohen, only speaks in quotes. He remembers every quote from everyone. And he rhymes. He doesn’t speak in “normal”. I told him to send me quotes every day and I will make a book out of it: “The Tao of […]

I cancelled a podcast because I heard from mutual friends that the potential guest had cheated on his wife. I don’t like people who cheat. Trump cheated on his wife. So there’s that. I wish Obama had ended the two wars that are now entering their 17th year. Too many teenagers dying. I don’t like […]

At 23 I had all the bad habits. I ate horribly. I could eat McDonald’s four meals a day, drink until I passed out, and then start again the next day. I had bad relationships. And I was bad to my family, my professors, my girlfriends, and sometimes my friends. I had horrible acne, cysts […]

I met a woman at a party. She was drinking red wine and just as she was taking another sip I told her a joke. She laughed so hard she spit all over me. She was horrified. She shouted, “Oh my god!” I had red wine all over my white button down shirt. I tried […]

My back hurts. When I wake up, it doesn’t hurt. I’ve been lying flat on it. I think to myself, “it won’t hurt today.” Then I lean up and try to get out of bed and I feel a sharp pain. It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt all day. I have to […]