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  A friend of mine lost his job at [put in super high-powered internet company]. He had already been “warned” and whatever else they do when a bureaucracy wants to slowly fire you. They tied him up to a chair and poured whip cream on him and let a rabid dog lick it off. That sort of […]

Claudia put down her book, “this guy wrote that once he started practicing his headstand he never gained any weight. He could eat a pound of butter every day. He said his friends were amazed”. I wonder what that even looked like. What would my friends do if they were “amazed” at something I did? […]

I am going to give you three techniques that if you use them you will be able to pick up any woman in the world within thirty minutes. It doesn’t matter if she is 90 years old or 21 years old. Ugly or beautiful. Married or lesbian. It doesn’t matter if you are even a […]

I wish I had been smarter when I was 23 years old.  I did everything wrong:  I felt like I needed a college degree. I felt like I needed a graduate degree (I was thrown out of graduate school ultimately), I felt like I needed a publishing company to “choose me” to be a writer. […]

One time I was so lonely I wrote an ad in Craigslist telling people I had psychic powers. The ad was a lie. I wrote, “I had a big headache and when I woke up I had psychic powers. I will tell anyone’s future if they just write to me.” Several of the women who […]

When I was growing up I had a magical TV. It had a green tube and I saw my reflection in it and I would ask it, “what girls in school like me and want to go out with me, maybe even want to have sex with me?” I was 12. I would wait for […]

You ever have that dream where your credit cards and passport got in the salad bowl and are getting salad dressing all over them and your wife is cheating on you and your boss is yelling at you? Yeah? Me too. Last night. I’m traveling on business today. Actually, I already traveled. Today I have […]