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Shakespeare is Awful, Jefferson was a Rapist, and Pi is Useless

I’m going to be dead honest just to clear the air on this one: I only have a vague idea what Pi does. I could google it right now but that would…

I’m going to be dead honest just to clear the air on this one: I only have a vague idea what Pi does. I could google it right now but that would be cheating. I think pi * the diameter equals the circumference. And there’s some other way you can use pi to get the […]

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How to Be a Human

“james altucher is a f’ing idiot on parade” someone wrote on a message board the other day. I don’t really like parades. But it got me to wonder about the psychology of…

“james altucher is a f’ing idiot on parade” someone wrote on a message board the other day. I don’t really like parades. But it got me to wonder about the psychology of people who take valuable time out of their day to write things like that. Not just about me but about anyone. In general […]

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Success is a Sexually Transmitted Disease

Let’s be straight out honest: Success is a contagious disease. By the way, it starts out as a sexually transmitted disease. If you want to have sex with pretty girls or pretty…

Let’s be straight out honest: Success is a contagious disease. By the way, it starts out as a sexually transmitted disease. If you want to have sex with pretty girls or pretty boys then you need to at least convince yourself you’re successful in some way. This builds confidence and libido, which leads to more […]

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Girls, Girls, Girls

“Does it bother you,” I asked him, “the thought that another guy is now this very moment kissing her or even doing more?” “I don’t really think about it.” Richard said. Richard…

“Does it bother you,” I asked him, “the thought that another guy is now this very moment kissing her or even doing more?” “I don’t really think about it.” Richard said. Richard had an arrangement with his ex-girlfriend. He had gone out with her for five years but now they were broken up. But whenever […]

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The Day I Lent a Billionaire Too Much Money

One time I was lying down on the sidewalk near the movie theater at Union Square. I used to like lying on sidewalks right around five or six PM, when everyone is…

One time I was lying down on the sidewalk near the movie theater at Union Square. I used to like lying on sidewalks right around five or six PM, when everyone is rushing from one place (work) to another (fun). Letting people walk around me.  You might’ve seen me. It was 1999. It was getting […]

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Urine, the IRS, and She's Just a Small Town Girl

In the summer after sixth grade I repeatedly wet the bed. They say the human body is 80% water. About 60% of that would come out of my penis every night while…

In the summer after sixth grade I repeatedly wet the bed. They say the human body is 80% water. About 60% of that would come out of my penis every night while I was dreaming. They didn’t have pull-ups back then. Essentially diapers for sixth graders. So I just had rubber sheets that were completely […]

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Nine Ways To Light Your Creativity ON FIRE

I felt so ashamed. I had just lost my apartment in the city. I had no jobs. No prospects for jobs. No money. A few years earlier I had millions and then…

I felt so ashamed. I had just lost my apartment in the city. I had no jobs. No prospects for jobs. No money. A few years earlier I had millions and then I had nothing. So I sold my apartment, scraped together some cash, and moved 70 miles north of the city. It was in […]

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