When do you decide to leave someone? At what point is it really over? Even if you share children? @brainybetty
This not a simple question. Particularly when there are children involved. You should always try to make things work. But, there are exceptions:
1. Is the person abusive to you in any way? This could be the result of a temperament they’ve had since their childhood. It also can be a result of your own temperament, which is allowing abuse without setting boundaries.
2. Is the person abusive to the kids in any way? Then the kids must be removed from the person immediately. When someone is abusive towards another it is already a pattern, and one that is hard to break. If this person has abused your child in any way then there is simply no turning back. The person needs help, and your children need to be far from that sickness.
3. Most situations are not so direct. And abuse is subtle. So my thermometer is: have the arguments worn you down to the bone. Where you can’t even look at the person without the two of you arguing? In my own situation I was arguing so much with my ex-wife the police had to be called and I had to spend the night at a motel. When things like that start to happen then there is nothing good that can be the result. It’s time to move on.
One time my youngest came into the kitchen where her mom and I were arguing. She asked: “Umm, Josie [her older sister] wants to know if you guys are going to stay together.” Somehow Josie had convinced her younger sister to broach this question to us. They were scared. They were confused. Just like the stock market and the world economy, kids abhor uncertainty. After that I knew it was over.
Never forget that the kids want love. They don’t want hate. Four happy parents (when you mix the step-parents) are much better than two very unhappy, constantly arguing parents.