What I Do In the Shower

I count money in the shower.

I think of every opportunity I have. I think of how much money each opportunity is going to give me.

Then I divide it up. I used to divide it up: parents, kids, retirement (assuming I’m going to not care after age 80 but who knows), etc. It was a puzzle. Because if I gave parents $X, what if they run out?

Would I have to make more? Then I would think how I would do that. And then add that up.

Then about an hour later the shower would be over. I remember specifically showers from 2002. None of my predictions became true.

My dad died, for one. Then I got divorced. Then I changed my opinion about how kids should get money.

And then, of course, I lost all my money. So the entire point is moot. But then I made some again. Then lost some. Blah.

Then I had some more ideas about what to do with money. I thought about them in the shower.

I wanted to do micro charities. I would find sad stories in the morning newspaper and then anonymously help people.

Like, if someone’s family became homeless because their house burned down, I would rent them a hotel room.

For some reason, that was always my core example. Maybe I am always afraid of being homeless. Which is why I forced myself to live in Airbnbs for so long. So I wouldn’t have a need for a solid home.

I say I would “anonymously” help people (like I’m such a great human) but maybe that’s not honest. I would make a documentary about it also and years later track down people to ask them how much I helped them.



Another thing I would plan on doing. I would make dumb Super Bowl commercials. Like just me walking around doing nothing.

What’s the point?

I don’t do it anymore.

I don’t think so much about the future. Or about legacy. Or about what will happen when I am 80.

A billion years from now, my atoms will be scattered and lonely and only barely entangled with each other.

I think about what will happen today. How can I be honest today. How can I help someone today. What is the one thing I can do today that is outside of my comfort zone?

Today is the day of magic.

What’s the outcome of this?

I take faster showers.

And maybe I’m a little more dirty. But maybe, in some ways, I’m a little more clean.

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