Dear Josie and Mollie (my daughters), Everyone hates you. I mean, I don’t hate you. Most of the time. But teachers hate you. Your future boss hates you (he bribes you to…
Dear Josie and Mollie (my daughters), Everyone hates you. I mean, I don’t hate you. Most of the time. But teachers hate you. Your future boss hates you (he bribes you to work extra hours and then makes a pass at you. Trust me on this one). Your colleagues hate you (if you are demoted, […]
I like how NBC thinks it’s got one over on us. You go, NBC! “We’re not going to have any business relationship with Donald Trump anymore! Particularly that trashy Miss Universe contest…
I like how NBC thinks it’s got one over on us. You go, NBC! “We’re not going to have any business relationship with Donald Trump anymore! Particularly that trashy Miss Universe contest he thinks he owns.” Good job, NBC! Yesterday: NBC invests $250 million in Buzzfeed. Today’s Buzzfeed headline: “The Disney princes are total hunks”. […]
I lost my keys and was locked out my apartment. It was the middle of the night and I had nowhere to go. I left a message for the landlady. I tried…
I lost my keys and was locked out my apartment. It was the middle of the night and I had nowhere to go. I left a message for the landlady. I tried to climb up the fire escape to see if I could sneak in but I’m afraid of heights. About two stories up, I […]
The worst thing that happened to me in five years happened three months ago. But, wait, I don’t want to be complaining. More on that in a second. “Are you going to…
The worst thing that happened to me in five years happened three months ago. But, wait, I don’t want to be complaining. More on that in a second. “Are you going to kill yourself?” I bumped into one of my neighbors a few years ago. He had just started reading my posts. “Because your writing […]
We want you to come out here and interview “Freeway Rick Ross” on stage. Who? I was talking to Jayson Gaignard. I don’t really know anything about anything so Jayson had to…
We want you to come out here and interview “Freeway Rick Ross” on stage. Who? I was talking to Jayson Gaignard. I don’t really know anything about anything so Jayson had to explain and then I looked up Rick. And then I got obsessed. Rick Ross had sold about a billion dollars worth of crack […]
I used to love my job. Love it. I worked for my favorite entertainment company in the world. I would’ve paid to work there. I made friends at work. And on weekends…
I used to love my job. Love it. I worked for my favorite entertainment company in the world. I would’ve paid to work there. I made friends at work. And on weekends we’d even get together and play poker. Sometimes we’d even travel on vacations together. My boss would yell at me but I could […]
“If you drink your urine 7 times then on the seventh time, its toxic,” Martina said at the dinner table. We were eating pasta that I had cooked. “How do they know…
“If you drink your urine 7 times then on the seventh time, its toxic,” Martina said at the dinner table. We were eating pasta that I had cooked. “How do they know that?” I said. “I don’t know,” she said, “I just heard that.” We were talking about surviving in the desert and you are […]
