I gave my 11 year old daughter important advice the other day: there’s no painless way to kill yourself. “What about with a gun?” she said. I told her about a friend…
I gave my 11 year old daughter important advice the other day: there’s no painless way to kill yourself. “What about with a gun?” she said. I told her about a friend of mine who shot himself in the mouth. He put the gun in his mouth and pointed upwards towards the brain. He missed. […]
One time I tried to move into a homeless shelter in Pittsburgh. I had this image that it would be like some sort of sex dormitory. I would meet all of these…
One time I tried to move into a homeless shelter in Pittsburgh. I had this image that it would be like some sort of sex dormitory. I would meet all of these homeless ex-prostitutes or lonely single mothers and we would sneak into each other’s rooms and fall in love. We would whisper really quietly […]
I wanted to quit my job. I hated my boss. He always yelled at me. I hated my co-workers. They always yelled at me. I was addicted to playing chess online.…
I wanted to quit my job. I hated my boss. He always yelled at me. I hated my co-workers. They always yelled at me. I was addicted to playing chess online. One time my girlfriend called at 6pm and said, “don’t forget, we have guests coming over for dinner in a half hour.” I […]
If anyone has any doubts about the stigma of self-publishing and whether or not it is here to stay you only have to check out the recently self-published and instant cult classic…
If anyone has any doubts about the stigma of self-publishing and whether or not it is here to stay you only have to check out the recently self-published and instant cult classic “Urine Therapy – How to Drink Your own Urine” by “Craig Smith”. According to “Craig”, urine is pretty sterile and contains excess “good […]
You ever wake up and you just don’t feel like moving? Then you have coffee but you don’t feel like getting to work? There’s a scary feeling in your stomach and the…
You ever wake up and you just don’t feel like moving? Then you have coffee but you don’t feel like getting to work? There’s a scary feeling in your stomach and the coffee just makes it worse. And then you get to work and you just don’t feel like talking to anyone? You feel like […]
First we put an ad in the paper: “looking to go on a date with a pretty girl? Please write back.” We got over 100 responses. Then we picked out a restaurant.…
First we put an ad in the paper: “looking to go on a date with a pretty girl? Please write back.” We got over 100 responses. Then we picked out a restaurant. We arrived before the date and wired up the restaurant. We picked out a table and put recording equipment in the vase. We […]
I thought I was going to drive over a little baby that was crawling across the street. “What little baby?” my driving instructor said. Well, what IF there was a little…
I thought I was going to drive over a little baby that was crawling across the street. “What little baby?” my driving instructor said. Well, what IF there was a little baby? And what if I don’t brake? “Why wouldn’t you brake?” So many questions! It’s hard to drive a 2 ton metallic vehicle […]
