I’m sorry I lied to you that day I posted on Craigslist that I was psychic.
The night before I had vomited all over my room from too much to drink. I had cried to my baby girls on the phone. I was scared.
I needed help. Nobody would help. This is the truth really. So I lied to you.
I wanted to touch you really. And love you. And maybe have babies with you.
But I felt that only lying and manipulating would let me do it.
Here’s BS: “everything cycles. Don’t worry.” Sorry, that is BS.
Everything changes, but not everything cycles. Sometimes bad gets worse and good gets better.
Other times people say, “what goes around comes around.”
No it doesn’t. Some times people take away all the things you ever wanted and they never give it back.
This is not bad news. This is reality. And it’s good news. Because it means the best way to help others is to first be kind to yourself.
Toxic anything around you or in you will kill you. Toxicity is disease.
On the floor. Posted to Craigslist. Went to a diner. Made a pass at waitress. Rejected. Went back to hotel room.
A day in the life.
Then I got 100s of emails.
All from people as lonely as I was. As in despair as I was.
All they wanted was to touch someone through the ether. A taste of kindness in order to remember what that once felt like.
And it feels good. And it connects you with people. And it removes you from the toxic people in your life and focuses you on something other than you.
You and I live on this planet together. We will bump into each other. Hopefully we will be generous to each other.
Maybe I can touch your hand.
Just the barest touch of two fingertips can begin a path of healing.
I wanted to sculpt a new life from scratch. And I did. By doing the things on this chart.
Every day it is still a practice. Every day I ask at the end of the day, “who was I kind to today”.
Because if I can answer that it means the person I helped the most was myself.
This is not mystical. This is what you can actually DO. This is not magic. This is how change in the world, in your life, happens.
At least, I can say, this is what happened to me.
All of this is to say: kindness, being around good people, getting off the floor, is the rat’s maze to love.
It’s the greatest experiment you can do.
I am the rat.
