Blog Category: Impression Technique

I was at another dinner and the  guy who bought and runs  a major chain of yogurt stores in the United States stared straight at me, past about five other people in between us and said, his face slightly red, his voice raised,  “I’ve done two tours in Vietnam. Nobody should be pontificating about wars […]

It was too much work trying to meet women. My sister met her and said right away, “when are you going to marry this girl?” So like any 18 year old nerdy guy (except I was 41), I proposed fairly quickly. And right when I had the opportunity, I locked it down. Now its one […]

A few months ago I was playing backgammon with Stephen Dubner when we saw something that was so repulsive it almost made me throw up right on the spot. And I thought Dubner was going to pass out because I’ve seen him do that before in situations that other people might just label “gross” and […]

Yesterday, 10pm, I was asleep and the opening of my bedroom door woke me up – my 9 year old daughter was in a panic. “Something’s wrong with Josie!” Josie is her older sister. Like any concerned father I tried to keep my eyes shut, “What?” I murmured. “You have to come down!” she said. […]

“I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic” “You have the timing of diarrhea in the 9th inning” “That’s an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?” The jokes are offensive and depraved. The best comedians are truly twisted humans who have a private truth in the center of their black holes […]

An anonymous commenter named “Frank” wrote on an article I wrote yesterday, “Every time Altucher opens his mouth or posts commentary, he subtracts from the sum total of all human knowledge.” Frank is absolutely right and I congratulate him for recognizing that. I do subtract from the sum total of all human knowledge when I […]

In 1997, a partner at a venture capital firm mentioned to me that he owed all of his success and millions to a psychic named Mercedes that lived right on the other side of the tunnel in NJ. It took three months to land an appointment. I got there, in her heavily Hispanic neighborhood, and […]