Claudia put down her book, “this guy wrote that once he started practicing his headstand he never gained any weight. He could eat a pound of butter every day. He said his…
Claudia put down her book, “this guy wrote that once he started practicing his headstand he never gained any weight. He could eat a pound of butter every day. He said his friends were amazed”. I wonder what that even looked like. What would my friends do if they were “amazed” at something I did? […]
I am going to give you three techniques that if you use them you will be able to pick up any woman in the world within thirty minutes. It doesn’t matter if…
I am going to give you three techniques that if you use them you will be able to pick up any woman in the world within thirty minutes. It doesn’t matter if she is 90 years old or 21 years old. Ugly or beautiful. Married or lesbian. It doesn’t matter if you are even a […]
One time I was so lonely I wrote an ad in Craigslist telling people I had psychic powers. The ad was a lie. I wrote, “I had a big headache and when…
One time I was so lonely I wrote an ad in Craigslist telling people I had psychic powers. The ad was a lie. I wrote, “I had a big headache and when I woke up I had psychic powers. I will tell anyone’s future if they just write to me.” Several of the women who […]
When I was growing up I had a magical TV. It had a green tube and I saw my reflection in it and I would ask it, “what girls in school like…
When I was growing up I had a magical TV. It had a green tube and I saw my reflection in it and I would ask it, “what girls in school like me and want to go out with me, maybe even want to have sex with me?” I was 12. I would wait for […]
You ever have that dream where your credit cards and passport got in the salad bowl and are getting salad dressing all over them and your wife is cheating on you and…
You ever have that dream where your credit cards and passport got in the salad bowl and are getting salad dressing all over them and your wife is cheating on you and your boss is yelling at you? Yeah? Me too. Last night. I’m traveling on business today. Actually, I already traveled. Today I have […]
“Keep your eyes shut. He’s disgusting,” the woman told her daughter. About me. We were in Burger King and my mom and I were at the next table. I was ten years…
“Keep your eyes shut. He’s disgusting,” the woman told her daughter. About me. We were in Burger King and my mom and I were at the next table. I was ten years old. I was eating a Whopper ™ when I heard the girl’s mother. I got embarrassed. I had about half the whopper in […]
Instead of going to school, I hid in the back behind the chimney. I heard the garage door open and close twice. My parents were gone. I ran through the corn field…
Instead of going to school, I hid in the back behind the chimney. I heard the garage door open and close twice. My parents were gone. I ran through the corn field out back to Route 27. I took the bus to NYC and got out at Port Authority. On 42nd Street guys would yell […]
