I wanted to see women naked. But I was too ugly. I was 12. I had a cyst so big I could Airbnb it out if I had it now. I had…
I wanted to see women naked. But I was too ugly. I was 12. I had a cyst so big I could Airbnb it out if I had it now. I had acne all over my face. My hair was tangled like dreadlocks. My glasses were huge and bent. I had braces and metal all […]
The first time, I was chased. I had my thumb out. I was slouched over a little bit to look as unthreatening as possible (not difficult for me). It was night and…
The first time, I was chased. I had my thumb out. I was slouched over a little bit to look as unthreatening as possible (not difficult for me). It was night and it was raining a bit and I wanted to get home. A car pulled over. I only needed to go a few miles. […]
Andrew got it all out of me. Which is why he was the most viewed comedian of 2018 on YouTube. He called me up the day before. “Charlemagne is out, can you…
Andrew got it all out of me. Which is why he was the most viewed comedian of 2018 on YouTube. He called me up the day before. “Charlemagne is out, can you come in and do the podcast?” He was ready to go: Do billionaires kill people? How the heck could I lose all that […]
I had to go to the bathroom or I would s**t my pants. But I was stuck in a meeting. And what if I ran into my boss? Would he be in…
I had to go to the bathroom or I would s**t my pants. But I was stuck in a meeting. And what if I ran into my boss? Would he be in the next stall? Would we wait afterwards to see who would leave first after making all of those embarrassing sounds? I ran out […]
In August of 2017, when Bitcoin was at $3,500, I went on CNBC and said Bitcoin would be worth $1 million. Then I spent about $60 million on ads. (Note: I don’t…
In August of 2017, when Bitcoin was at $3,500, I went on CNBC and said Bitcoin would be worth $1 million. Then I spent about $60 million on ads. (Note: I don’t know the exact number. This is a total guess.) Bitcoin today is at $11,000. It’s not at $1 million. Not yet (see below). […]
Having children is awful. “Oh, it’s the most precious experience there is!” Stop the B.S. A) A one-foot-tall brand new U.S. citizen suddenly moves into your house and you are FORCED to…
Having children is awful. “Oh, it’s the most precious experience there is!” Stop the B.S. A) A one-foot-tall brand new U.S. citizen suddenly moves into your house and you are FORCED to child-proof every object in your life. B) This one-foot-tall U.S. citizen (and what did she even do to deserve that passport?) doesn’t speak […]
I had no business experience at all. My job was to go out at 3 a.m. once a week and interview people: “What are you up to at 3 a.m.?” I did…
I had no business experience at all. My job was to go out at 3 a.m. once a week and interview people: “What are you up to at 3 a.m.?” I did that for four years. Once a week I’d put up the best interviews for that week on the HBO website. It was a […]
