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The woman stood up and shouted to me onstage, and to the audience, “OK, OK! Enough is enough! I am leaving.” I was being heckled. Nobody should do standup comedy. I don’t know why I torture myself. It’s the worst. This particular incident was about two years ago. Maybe the first time I did standup […]

I miss my Facebook friends. They used to be so nice. I’d “like” old photos of weddings I never attended. I’d think, “Wow, Dave’s got a book out,” or “Man, my old crush has seven kids.” Now everyone’s sitting in their suburban air-conditioned homes with their Ivy League diplomas on the wall typing out, “Anyone […]

Is it bad I wanted to have sex with my real estate agent? It was 1999. I had a ton of money for the first time in my life and I wanted to buy an amazing apartment. Just a year earlier, I had $0. I had college debt. But I was happy with zero. Every […]

I was thrown out of graduate school because I thought women would only like me if I published a novel. So every day, starting in 1990, I wrote 3,000 words a day. I’d go up to girls in bars and ask if I could read to them. 100% of them would say no. Or laugh […]

I couldn’t get out of bed. I’d try to play with my kids. I’d try to read. To learn! Anything. Any f***ing thing. Nothing. Ugh. “Kids always make you happier!” Everyone would lie to me. What a piece of BS that is. When I saw my kids I would think, “They just lost their shot […]

In the Choose Yourself Publishing Group, I post a new book challenge approximately once a month. [Get access to the Group here.] The idea of each challenge is: The book can be done in a month The book doesn’t have to be big (30-50 pages is fine for a self-published book. More of course is […]

I just pitched a business reality show. I went to LA, pitched to nine networks. It went well. The first business reality TV show I watched in my life was Shark Tank. I’ve watched every episode. I force my kids to watch it. I’ve studied every aspect of the show. I’ve had many of the […]