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I just wasted the last half hour talking to Bill Gates. He was talking all about his philanthropy. He flattered me. He said “Billions of children are dying in Africa.” Suffice to say, at the end of it, he encouraged me to make a donation to a charity that doesn’t really exist. “Maybe donate 80% […]

The last time I called the President of the United States was in 1980. I needed to speak to him about something important. My birthday was coming up. Jimmy Carter was President then. I wanted to visit with him and interview him. I had been calling up every politician for months and trying to interview […]

I am mentally ill. And I’m in a mid-life crisis. I’m dishonest. And I’m a horrible father. And I think with my dick. Thanks to all the kind strangers these past few days who wrote me these insightful facts about myself. Here is the evidence: I don’t spend all my money on useless things. I […]

I have one bag of clothes, one backpack with a computer, iPad, and phone. I have zero other possessions. Today I have no address. At this exact moment I am sitting in a restaurant and there’s no place for me to go to lie down. By tonight I will find a place to lie down. […]

I ordered pancakes and he told me about the last time he was shot in the head. The bullet went through the top of my head, he said. Then he leaned down and showed me the entry point. Then, he said, it went out through the back of my ear. He twisted around, pointed to […]

At my worst, this happened: I drank all night until I would pass out. I’d show up late for meetings, do deals with people who would rip me off, run away from good opportunities, invest in bad opportunities. Have friends for what they can do for me rather than because I felt good to be […]

It’s important I address several things first before I really start into the meat of this article. First, when I tweet about this post many people will respond, “I’ll read it…later” or some variation of that. That’s a funny joke. I get it. Second, while I was writing this post, I procrastinated pretty heavily. No […]