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I want to disappear. I want to move into an old apartment building in a place where I would never talk to anyone. I would order delivery for all three meals a day. I would learn to talk to my neighbors, who spoke every language but English.  I would learn their games and play them […]

Lets call him “Pat”. That’s not his name but close. I don’t want to embarrass him although I am 99.99% sure he won’t be embarrassed even if I mention him. I met him in 1999. He was the #2 guy at the largest investment bank in the world. He wanted to invest in my next […]

I went to a therapist when things were really bad. I can’t function, I told her. I can’t read, or write, or phone people. I can’t fake being human anymore. She said, ok. Ok, You are saying a lot here. She said, Ok. I understand. But you have to listen to me. She said, Your […]

Judy Blume taught me how to masturbate. Judy Blume also taught me how to love. When I was ten I read all of her young adult books (82 million books sold), “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing,” “Blubber,” etc. Then I memorized the sex scene in “Forever”. Then I memorized ALL the sex scenes in […]

I owe the Mercer Hotel $70,000. I was separated, depressed, afraid to leave my room so I always ordered room service. I stayed six months. It was a long time ago. But maybe that doesn’t forgive things. Will this be an evil spell I cast on myself? When you’re depressed its hard to dig your […]

I’m scared I didn’t spend enough time with my daughters when they were growing up. And now they are little women. Am I too late? My 16 year old, Josie, came into town. I was giving a lecture to 300 college students. She wanted to watch. We walked around campus talking about everything and nothing. […]

I spent the ages of 7 until 16 in some form of Juvie or foster care, she was telling me. We were standing in front of a fire. There was meat or something in the fire. It smelled bad. It was on the west side of NYC. I was raped every day, she said. I […]