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An anonymous commenter named “Frank” wrote on an article I wrote yesterday, “Every time Altucher opens his mouth or posts commentary, he subtracts from the sum total of all human knowledge.” Frank is absolutely right and I congratulate him for recognizing that. I do subtract from the sum total of all human knowledge when I […]

In 1997, a partner at a venture capital firm mentioned to me that he owed all of his success and millions to a psychic named Mercedes that lived right on the other side of the tunnel in NJ. It took three months to land an appointment. I got there, in her heavily Hispanic neighborhood, and […]

There was a scene with prostitutes and homeless kids that we were trying to film for the 3am pilot where we were trying to get them all to fight each other. Jon Alpert, who had produced a bunch of documentaries for HBO was hired to be  my chaperone on this part of the project. Some […]

She called me this morning and asked,  “you never told me about that ex girlfriend who spoke French who you got pregnant. How come?” She had read my blog. I was afraid I had shared too much. I was afraid it would come back to haunt me. I’m tired of being afraid. From the moment […]

“I wish I could tie her up in a closet and only open the closet when I got home,” I said to Brian. “Then I would let her out and we could fool around and then when we were done I’d put her back in the closet.”  I liked Brian because he was a Life […]

I have a list of people I want to kill. Or maim. Maiming is better. Because they would know its me and hopefully they’d live a long life afterwards.  I’d maim them maybe by setting their face on fire and putting a hood over it. Or amputating both their hands so they can’t wipe themselves. […]

In retrospect she was a high-end call girl / grad student. But who doesn’t sell themselves at some level? In almost every conversation we sell a tiny piece of ourselves. In the bazaar of interaction, we just hope for a tiny sliver of pretty silk back. It was my very first shoot for HBO for […]